I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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