Apparently you make a good broom.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
