The maid of honor just puked.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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