I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
