just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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