Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize