I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
