I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
