i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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