I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish you could order shots online.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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