just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
