WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
