We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
third nipple confirmed
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
