Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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