I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize