Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I haven't been this sober since birth.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
