just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
