Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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