No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
