laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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