You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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