once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize