I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
