And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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