So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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