You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
