i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
