You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
