Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
