you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize