May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize