I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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