I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
