I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
