how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
