Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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