i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
