guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize