Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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