he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
zippers are such a cool invention
this boner is exhausting
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
