I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
