I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
