Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
