I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize