Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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