I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
