he thought i was a dude.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
