The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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