The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
