Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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