in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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