They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
