everyone is single if you try hard enough
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
it's like heaven, but drunker
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
