I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
