Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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