this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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