Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
