Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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