I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
