pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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