i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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