After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
