Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize