I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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