I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
