1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
