Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
