The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
