I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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