Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
