I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
