I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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