She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize