thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
