ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
