pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
