When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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