Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
