Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
