He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
