My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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