There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
not ubering you a puppy
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
