Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize