wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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