and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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