ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
