He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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