eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
