Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
