she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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