life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
