Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize