I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I need to stop coming to work sober
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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